


Remember Me

by BreakfastTea



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Post Star Trek: Into Darkness, Star Trek: Into Darkness Spoilers, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 12:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreakfastTea/pseuds/BreakfastTea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jim encounters aliens with the ability to see into alternate realities, he asks to see his alternate self's memories of his father.  Bones is there to anchor him to his reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember Me

Jim didn’t want to sound cocky, but the mission on Guini couldn't have gone better. After a successful first contact with a peaceful and advanced society, here they were at a relaxed gathering celebrating the new relationship between their societies. Speeches were made and new friendships forged; the perfect cultural exchange.

 

Jim allows himself a moment of pride.  But it’s not all thanks to him, of course.  As always, it was a team effort.  Still, this is only the third inhabited planet they’ve come across during the mission thus far, and every success is worth celebrating.  The concerns and worries that had nibbled at the back of his mind since… since _then_ are easily silenced now.  Not that he doubts his ability to do his job, not anymore, but it doesn’t hurt to bolster his confidence.

 

Even the heavy storm pounding the city can’t dampen the jubilant mood.  Standing under glass canopies in a garden so beautiful it hardly seemed real, the people of Guini and the crew of the _Enterprise_ chat like they’ve known each other for years rather than a matter of days.  Soft lights shine from flower beds, pools of light capturing happy faces.  The globes of light are dotted around in a geometrically beautiful formation.  The Guinith created art out of mathematics and science.  Spock, Jim knows, is especially appreciative.

 

Standing alone on the balcony leading back into the government’s main building, he watches his senior crew.  Spock and Carol stand with a delegation of Guinith scientists, surely discussing quantum theory and the existence of alternate realities, something the Guinith were exceedingly passionate about.  Hikaru’s hands are quite literally full with plant samples, as are all four of his conversation partner’s.  Gardening is a popular activity on this world, and Jim loves to see Hikaru excited about cultivating new flowers.  Pavel, Jim notices, sticks close to Nyota, but he’s chatting animatedly and delighting the group around him.  The kid’s really coming out of himself these days, and Nyota’s as loving to everyone as ever. 

 

Spock’s a lucky man, Jim thinks for the umpteenth time, wondering what the Vulcan equivalent of that expression is.

 

Bones, ever the gentleman, listens closely to the government’s chief medical officer and responds to her blatant flirtations with the manners his mama and daddy would be proud of.  Jim can’t help but stare at him, warmth tightening around his heart.  He couldn’t forget how lucky he was to be here at all, to still have a man as wonderful and caring as Bones in his life.  He’d come so close to losing Bones, and not because he’d died.  Bones had packed his anger away while Jim had recovered, hidden it beneath concern and doctoring… But Bones hadn’t been able to let it fester forever, and the fight they’d had upon Jim’s release resulted in a schism so wide Jim feared they’d never move beyond it.  Bones hated him, _resented_ him, for not allowing him to say goodbye, not giving him the chance to make the choice for himself.

 

_You should’ve let me be there!_

_I didn’t want your last memory of me, of us, to be me dying like that._

_That wasn’t your choice to make! You were the one dying.  I was the one who had to go on._

_I’m sorry. I thought it was the best thing to do.  Hurting you was the last thing I wanted.  I just… I didn’t…_

_You were in a body bag, Jim.  You were dead.  It was over and where was my chance to say goodbye?  Tell you what, you picture me like that, so much unsaid.  How would you feel?_

_You know better than I do._

_You’re fucking right I do, you bastard._

And then, the worst truth of all, the one that would hang over them no matter what.

 

_I’d do it again. If it meant no one else had to die, I’d… I’d die._

_I know, Jim.  I know you would.  But would you trust me enough to cope with saying a real goodbye?_

 

The fight ended in cold, bitter silence.  And then work forced them apart.  Jim’s long days of meetings with Starfleet’s surviving admirals were soon replaced by training missions and “post-grad” study that took him off Earth for months at a time.  If he wanted the _Enterprise_ back for good, the brass told him, he would damn well have to earn it.

 

So he damn well did.

 

Time gave him and Bones a chance to heal and a chance to think.

 

A chance to miss each other too.  Jim found himself returning to whatever quarters he’d been assigned, forgoing company to write letters he never sent.  He couldn’t.  The decision to forgive wasn’t his to make.

 

Bones bridged the schism eight months after Jim died with a single message.

 

_I miss you._

 

That was all it took.  Two weeks after that initial contact, Jim was back on Earth and he only had time for one person.  So what if Bones was bloody after surgery and midway through a conversation with several other medical staff about post-op care.  So what if the blood transferred onto Jim’s flight suit as he grabbed Bones and kissed him, held him, refused to let him go again until maybe both of them were crying. 

 

“ _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry._ ”

 

“ _I know you are, dammit.  I missed you too._ ”

 

Six months later, it’s good.  It’s different, it’s a little uncertain of itself at times, but they’re working it out and appreciating where the other stands.  Jim can’t undo his actions, wouldn’t undo them, but he loves Bones and he’s not giving him up again without a fight.

 

Burbling conversation reaches Jim’s ears, soothing his mind. Everything here seems designed to relax, rejuvenate.  Guini’s government graciously gave him permission to allow his crew to use the world for shore leave, starting tomorrow.  After months of work, it would be a very welcome relief.  Jim knew he’d have a happy and refreshed crew when they shipped out two weeks from now.  And maybe he and Bones could get away for a night, spend some time together when the chances of interruptions were as good as non-existent. 

 

"Excuse me, Captain?"

 

Stirring out of his thoughts, Jim turns and sees the president's aide standing behind him. He offers the young woman a smile. "Yes?"

 

"President Ccacia would like a word in private, if that is all right?"

 

Jim glances at the gathering. Bones briefly looks his way and offers a warm smile. Jim can't help but smile back and wave slightly. Yeah, shore leave would be perfect.

 

“Captain?”

 

"Sorry! Yes, of course I’ll come."

 

He accompanies the aide inside, leaving the warm rain and the happy crowds behind.  She shows him into a private drawing room where President Ccacia waits.  He’s an ethereal figure, thin and pale, but strength radiates from his grey eyes.  The peaceful aura of his personality, as always, makes Jim feel like he’s in the presence of an elder relative, wiser than Jim would ever be and possessing patience years in the making.

 

Not that Jim has any relatives like that, not even Mom.  Maybe Pike would’ve wound up like that in the end, if he…

 

The aide steps out, closing the door with a decisive click.  It’s a small room, the only furniture a table made of rainbow-hued crystal.  Everything on Guini glows with colour and light, from the flowers to the buildings.  Jim found it all beautiful beyond his ability to express.

 

“Captain Kirk, thank you for coming,” says President Ccacia with his deep rumble of a voice. He holds up a cup made of smoky glass in two of his four hands.  The liquid contained within is a strange shade of blue.  "It is a custom on my world to toast a new friendship with ceremonial wine. It is made of a fruit from the oldest vines found in the grounds here.  I have consulted with your Doctor McCoy and he deemed it safe for human consumption." Ccacia passes the cup to Jim. "He did advise you not drink too much, however. He seemed worried about something called 'intoxication'."

 

The mere scent of the wine makes Jim's head spin.  He blinks stinging eyes.  “Thank you.”

 

“No, Captain.  Thank you for coming here.  It has been too long since outsiders visited our humble world.  It does us all good to be reminded of the universe waiting for us out there.”

 

“Thank you for your kindness.  I don’t think we realised how much of a break we needed until you offered your hospitality.”

 

“It will be a wonderful opportunity for our people to continue learning from each other.”

 

Jim holds the cup aloft. "To friendship." He took a (very) cautious sip. 

 

It nearly took his head off.

 

Ccacia laughs delightedly. “My apologies, Captain.  Perhaps the drink is more potent than your medical equipment can ascertain.”

 

“Ah, yeah, maybe,” Jim wheezes good humouredly.  Potent’s the word. He feels like he’s just done a night’s worth of drinking in a single sip.  He leans on the table, trying not to look drunk.

 

And it had all been going so well.

 

“To new horizons.” Ccacia takes a deep drink, remaining completely unaffected.

 

The room slowly turns around Jim.  He’s struggling to keep himself upright.  “Sorry,” he says.  “I, ah, I think I might be intoxicated.” He’s slurring horribly and his stomach churns like the evening’s food is about to put in a reappearance.  He flushes, embarrassed and horrified.  “Sorry. This… this…”

 

“It’s quite all right. Come.  Perhaps some fresh air will help.”

 

Ccacia leads him outside, not to the party but to a private garden.  Fountains cast water into deep pools framed by golden flowers shaped like stars.  Rain soaks Jim’s uniform, but it does little to clear his mind.  Everything’s buzzing.  The rain glows with silver light.  Jim finds watching it bounce off the stonework utterly mesmerising.

 

Ccacia stands beside him.  “There is one other thing I wish to inform you about my people.”

 

Jim nods, wishing he didn’t feel so drunk.  One sip! He drags several deep breaths into his lungs, desperate to clear his mind.

 

“You are aware of the alternate reality.”

 

Oh yes, very aware. 

 

“You are aware, but not in the sense that my people and I are.  We feel the turn of galaxies and changes in the universe.” Long fingers reach out, take Jim’s chin and turn his face so their eyes meet.  Ccacia’s expression is one of sorrow.  “We see what is, what could be, what should be, what may be.  We knew you and your crew would come.  We’ve been waiting for twenty-seven years.”

 

Jim stares.  His thoughts slowly catch up.

 

“On the day you were born, the universe as we knew it changed.” 

 

“I didn’t do it,” Jim says suddenly.

 

Ccacia smiles.  “We know.  Nothing like it has happened before or since.  We felt it, Captain.  Lives wiped out before they could ever start.  Lives wiped out decades before they should have.  Like ripples from a pond, the subtlest shifts changed the course of countless lives and countless worlds.”

 

Jim nods.  It’s not news.  It’s a defining moment of his life.

 

This version of his life.

 

“We see many alternatives, but none occurred quite like the day of your birth.  Our universe changed in a way it never has before.”

 

Starfleet had classified the truth of Nero, his ship and his actions and Jim’s head is just about clear enough for him to hold his tongue.  “Can you show me?”

 

“You wish to see?”

 

“I saw… I mean… I know some of it.  Of the way our lives would have been if not for… if not for what happened on that day.” The alcohol has loosened his tongue.  Jim can’t hold his words in.  “I know about my Dad, I’m just… I dunno…” He waves a hand around his head.  “Things are muddled.  Sometimes I just… I wonder if…”

 

“You wonder what might have happened had your father not died?”

 

Jim stares at him.  “You’re good.”

 

“I saw a universe in which your death was not reversed.” 

 

Nausea rises.  “I don’t wanna see that.”

 

“Just be aware you may not enjoy what you do see,” Ccacia says.  “And the return to reality may leave you feeling disappointed.”

 

“Or it may make me appreciate the things I do have.” Things like Bones.  Things like the best damn crew in the universe.

 

“Perhaps,” Ccacia says.  “If I do this, the memories will come to you in dreams.  What is it you wish to see?”

 

Jim doesn’t hesitate.  “My Dad.”

 

Ccacia’s grip shifts slightly, his hand creeping up until it rests on Jim’s temple.  The touch is feather soft, but it tingles, not unpleasantly, as the sensation digs past skin, through bone and into Jim’s mind, nestling there.

 

“May the memories bring you peace.”

 

His knees give out, but Ccacia’s there to guide him back to his feet, three of his four arms easily holding Jim in place.

 

“Captain?”

 

He laughs thickly.  “This is intoxication.” He’s the one feeling the universe turning.  “I, ah, I probably need Bones.”

 

“Bones?”

 

“Doctor McCoy.” Lights stretch into beams, filling Jim’s eyes, blotting out the tilting world.  Tomorrow’s hangover would not be pretty.

 

Ccacia helps him to a stone bench.  “I’ll send my aide to fetch him.  Wait here.”

 

Before Jim can respond, reality shatters.

 

***

 

People swarm over the dock. Shuttles hiss and hum, their noise ringing in his ears.  He clings to Mommy’s hand, not wanting to get tangled in someone else’s legs.

 

But then the crowds part and Jim sees him.

 

“Daddy!”

 

“Jim!”

 

Releasing Mommy, he races across the docking bay and into Daddy’s arms, giggling as he’s lifted up, up, up and pulled into a hug. 

 

“It’s so good to see you,” George says, holding his son close.  “Have you grown? I swear you weren’t this big when I left last month.”

 

“I grew a whole three inches!”

 

“Wow!”

 

“And Mommy said we get to go have cake and ice cream and then maybe we’ll go home and you’ll play with me and Sam and…”

 

“How about we let Daddy get used to being back home first?”

 

Jim looks and sees Mommy walking over with Sam.  She’s got a happy, teary smile on her face, and he thinks maybe he knows why she looks like that.  Daddy puts him down and goes to Mommy, giving her a big kiss.

 

“Eeeeeeeeeew!” Sam screeches.

 

Jim giggles.  Mommy and Daddy smile.

 

 “Let’s go boys,” Mommy says.  “Cake and ice cream for all.”

 

***

 

Manners, Bones knows, can only last so long when put under considerable stress.  And the conversation with the extremely flirtatious CMO of Guini has stretched his tolerances to breaking point.  Dredging up just enough politeness to excuse himself inoffensively, he casts about for Jim, only to find him absent.

 

“Doctor McCoy?”

 

It’s the president’s aide.  She’s at his side and he has no idea where she came from.  Seems the woman has a talent for sliding unnoticed through crowds to summon people.

 

“Could you accompany me, please? President Ccacia feels your presence is required.”

 

Bones stiffens.  “It’s that wine, isn’t it?”

 

“I’m not sure what you are referring to, but please.” She steps aside and holds out a hand, indicating he needs to head inside.

 

He swallows a sigh and every single comment he thinks of. _Dammit, Jim._

 

***

 

He’s gone beyond pain, beyond feeling.  He opens his eyes and sees somewhere new, somewhere definitely not the patch of woodland he last remembers being in.  He thinks it’s a ship, but he doesn’t have the energy to…

 

“Jim?”

 

His head lolls, but it’s okay, because Dad steps into view, sitting at his side.

 

Dad’s crying.  He’s trying to look happy, but he’s just sobbing.

 

“You’re alive,” he keeps saying over and over, his big hands so gentle as they stroke Jim’s cheek.  “I’m so sorry we sent you out there.”

 

Jim would talk if he could, but he’s only just got the energy to breathe and hold his eyes open at the same time.  He watches his Dad take control of himself, pulling in a steadying breath and wiping his tears away.

 

“I am so proud of you, Jim.  So proud.  You protected those other children.  You kept them safe.  You’re amazing, do you know that?”

 

Amazing? Jim’s not so sure of that, but it’s not like he can disagree out loud. 

 

“We’re gonna make you well again, okay? You’re gonna be fine.  It’s all over.  You’re safe now.  We’re going home.”

 

He falls asleep with Dad’s hand holding his tight.

 

***

 

President Ccacia wears an apologetic look when he meets McCoy in the hallway.  “I believe I may have misunderstood the term ‘intoxicated’ you spoke of earlier.”

 

“Where’s Jim?”

 

“I took him outside so he could get some fresh air, but it seems it did not revive him as I had hoped.”

 

Ccacia leads him to a small garden.  Rain sings as it showers the pools and flowers, the moist air rich with heady fragrance. 

 

Jim’s nowhere to be seen.

 

“This… this isn’t right.” Ccacia’s wearing a look of confusion and it is bizarrely and horribly out of place on the statesman’s usually collected features.  “I left him here.  He was in no condition to get up.”

 

“The drink affected him? Maybe I should’ve had you water it down.”

 

“My apologies, Doctor McCoy, but it wasn’t simply the effect of the drink.  The offering of memories may have incapacitated the captain as well, although it shouldn’t have had...”

 

Bones stops dead, panic flowering in his guts.  “Offering of what?”

 

“There isn’t time to explain.  We must find him.  He is in no condition to be out in weather like this.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Please, Doctor, later.  We must find him.”

 

The man’s fear focuses Bones’ mind.  He’s on his communicator and calling the ship, trying not to sound too snappish as he asks Ensign Darwin to locate Jim.

 

“ _The captain appears to be in an area of dense woodland directly east of the government building,_ ” Darwin replies.  “ _Doctor, his vitals are strange.”_

“Strange how?”

 

“ _His pulse is slower than it should be and his body temperature is too low.”_

“He is asleep,” Ccacia says.

 

Bones stares.  “Asleep?”

 

“ _If he is, sir, he’s sleepwalking,”_ Darwin says.

 

“Can you beam him up?”

 

“ _Not in this storm, sir.”_

 

“Keep an eye on him and call me if the readings decrease.”

 

“ _Yes, Doctor.  Enterprise out.”_

 

Reining in his anger, Bones locks eyes with Ccacia.  “We need to find him.  You can tell me exactly what you did as we walk.”

 

***

 

“Mom, Dad?”

 

He steps out his bedroom in his cadet reds.  Mom and Dad break into massive smiles.  Even Sam’s come home from the lab to see him off and he looks pretty impressed too.

 

Jim feels himself blush.  “How do I look?”

 

Mom gushes about her baby being all grown up and cries just a little bit too.  Dad’s slapping him on the back, prouder than he can even say.  Sam hugs him, laughing and saying “you scrub up good, Jimmy!”

 

It’s a family trip out to San Francisco.  Mom and Dad reminisce loudly about all the good times they had at the Academy while Sam and Jim try to ignore them.  Sam’s talking about his latest research project and when he mentions someone called Aurelan, Jim can’t help but tease his brother loudly.

 

“Shut it, Jim.”

 

“Awww, Sammy, you’re in loooooove!”

 

And then there’s the Academy, swarming with new cadets and their families.  Jim stares at them and feels a grin tugging his lips. 

 

He would be the best of them all.

 

***

 

In the rain, any trail Jim might have left is completely destroyed.  The weather’s definitely worsening, thunder clapping overhead and lightning never far behind.  It’s been an hour already, Bones is soaked to the skin, but there’s no sign of Jim.  He keeps in touch with Darwin aboard the _Enterprise,_ who assures him he’s going the right way.

 

Ccacia’s apologising yet again, but Bones tunes him out.  Couldn’t he have waited until Jim was back in his right mind? Would Jim have asked had he been thinking clearly?

 

“I assure you, I meant no harm.  Your captain wished to see it, and I did not foresee any such outcome as this.”

 

“Forget it.  Let’s just find him before he really does hurt himself.”

 

Another fifteen minutes passes.  Bones nearly misses the silhouette standing amidst the woods.  Had the lightning not drawn his attention back to the spot, he would’ve missed Jim completely. 

 

He races to Jim’s side.  He calls to him, but there’s no response.  Jim is on his feet, shivering, weaving slightly and dripping wet.  His eyes are black, his pupils blown so wide the irises are little more than blue outlines.  Bones grabs him, shakes him, but Jim still doesn’t react. 

 

“He can’t hear you, not until the dreaming passes,” Ccacia says.  “It’s odd for the memories to cause this effect.  Normally they wait until the ordinary sleep cycle.”

 

“Yeah, well, that’s Jim for you.  Always doing things his way.”

 

“You care for him very much,” Ccacia says.

 

Bones peers at him through the rain but doesn’t bother wasting words on the man.  He turns back to Jim, a gentle hand on his arm.  “Come on, Jim.  Lay down.”

 

Considering he’s sleepwalking and unresponsive, Jim is surprisingly compliant.  He sits on the muddy ground.  Moments later, he’s on his back.

 

“How much longer will this last?” Bones asks.

 

“Not long,” Ccacia says.  “The dreams, anyway.  I’m not sure about this intoxication you spoke of.  He struggled with words and his coordination was extremely poor.”

 

Great.  A head full of alternate memories and a hangover.  Bones sighs.  Tomorrow would be magnificent.

 

“I assure you, I meant well by it.”

 

The man’s so apologetic, Bones can’t feel anger or even mild frustration. “I know you did,” he says as he takes his muddy place at Jim’s side.  He lifts Jim slightly so his head and shoulders rest on Bones’ lap.  “But the human mind’s a complicated thing.” He brushes a hand through Jim’s sodden hair, idly styling it.  “It’s liable to wander off and do unexpected things when you jam it full of things it’s not ready for.”

 

“He requested memories of his father.  Memories an alternate version of himself has.”

 

Bones stares.  “You know Ambassador Spock?”

 

“I know of him, but it is simply something my people and I feel.  As we sit here, Doctor McCoy, we are touching infinite alternative realities.  I choose my words, and the words I left unsaid here are said by an alternate me in a universe spawned by that decision.”

 

“Infinite alternatives,” Bones echoes.  “You see them?”

 

“And share them, sometimes.  Imagine your own alternative, in which your marriage did not fall apart.”

 

The thought chills Bones more than the rain.

 

“Or a reality in which you chose not to join Starfleet.”

 

“Are you saying seeing the alternatives makes us appreciate what we have?”

 

“Interesting that you should echo the captain’s words,” Ccacia comments.  “Perhaps it is true, but my people can see every alternative.  I see universes where Leonard McCoy doesn’t exist, and universes where he chose not to become a doctor.  I even see universes where he left his best friend behind on Earth and died when the USS _Enterprise_ was pulled into a black hole.  I see universes where he couldn’t revive him – ”

 

“Don’t.”

 

“ – and others in which you did not forgive him.”

 

Bones holds Jim tightly.  “How are any of you lucid?” He can’t wrap his head around it. “Doesn’t it drive you mad?”

 

“For us, it’s as normal as your eyesight and hearing is to you.”

 

“I don’t envy you.”

 

Ccacia accepts the comment.  “We are watchers.  We cannot move between the universes any more than we can walk through walls, but, like all living beings, we create our own infinite options when we make a choice.  It is the way of all life.”

 

Bones looks down at Jim.  His hooded eyes gaze blankly into space, a dreamy smile gracing his lips.  Why did he want to see a different version of his life?

  
“Don’t worry,” Ccacia says.  “He’ll come back to you just as he’s supposed to.”

 

***

 

“Captain James T Kirk.  That’s got a nice ring to it.”

 

“Admiral George Kirk’s not too bad either.”

 

Jim stands beside George, both of them looking at the _Enterprise_.  Docked above Earth, she’s a grand sight, standing brightly out of the darkness.

 

“You deserve this,” George says.  “No one’s worked harder.”

 

“Thanks, Dad.”

 

“And a five-year mission, unlike any other previously undertaken.”

 

“I know.  It’ll be amazing.” Jim turns to George.  “I owe it all to you.”

 

“Jim…”

 

“No, Dad, really.  You’re my inspiration.  Even when I was a little boy, I used to look at the stars and think ‘Daddy’s up there, seeing all those new worlds and going on great big adventures and someday I will too’.”

 

George chuckles.  “It’s not all adventures.  Some of it’s really dull.”

 

“I know that too, but still.  You’re the reason I’m here, Dad.  Thank you.”

 

George pulls him into a hug.  “I am so proud of you.  Captain at thirty-one! You’re just determined to shatter every record going, aren’t you?”

 

Jim smiles as he steps back.  “It’s a hobby.”

 

Nodding, George places a hand against his son’s cheek.  “Be safe.”

 

“I will.  I’ll make you proud, Dad.”

 

“You already do, every day.”

 

They turn back to the _Enterprise._

 

“Damn, she’s a beauty,” George says with a sigh.  “Wish I could come with you, but I think your mom would have a few choice words for me if I did.”

 

“Yeah, most of them being ‘how dare you leave me behind!’ and variations on said theme.”

 

Footsteps approach. “Captain?”

 

Jim looks over his shoulder.  “Ah, Commander Spock.  Good to see you again.  This is –”

 

“Admiral George Kirk,” Spock smoothly concludes.  “It is an honour to meet you, Admiral.”

 

“Thank you, Commander.  Well then, boys, I’d best head back planetside.”

 

Spock’s eyebrow twitch does not go unnoticed, but Jim just about holds back the laugh.  He grins at George instead.  “Want me to come with you?”

 

“You’re kidding me, right? Think I’m too old to pilot a shuttle back home?”

 

“Old, Dad? You’ll never be – ” Jim stops himself, not really wanting to get into any kind of debate with his father in front of his new First Officer.  “See you later.”

 

“Bye, Jim.  You stay in touch, you hear, or your mother and I really will come after you.  It’s bad enough trying to get Sam to call.”

 

“I will.  Bye, Dad.”

 

With one final, back-patting hug, they separate.  Jim watches his dad leave.  Something tugs, deep inside him, something like homesickness and desperation and a sudden urge to run to the man, grab him and hold on tight.

 

_Don’t leave me._

 

Jim shakes it off.  He’s sorry to see him go, but that feeling is nothing compared to the excitement of getting aboard his ship, taking her out and seeing new worlds.

 

“Captain, if you are ready, we should go aboard.”

 

“Right, let’s go.”

 

They walk alongside each other.  “Your father seems very proud of you, Captain.”

 

He glances at Spock, but of course the Vulcan’s face reveals nothing.  “Yeah,” Jim says.  “But I’m proud of him too.  He’s an amazing man.”

 

They reach an airlock bridgeway and Jim catches sight of something odd reflected in the door’s panel.

 

It’s his face, but… but his eyes…

 

“Captain?”

 

His eyes… they’re…

 

“ _Jim, can you hear me_?”

 

His eyes are brown.

 

“ _Jim_?”

 

The spacedock fades.  Everything fades, replaced by a bridge both familiar and never seen in reality.

 

The bridge of the _Kelvin._

The bridge of the _USS Kelvin_ on Stardate 2233.04.

 

And there’s Dad, on the edge of his chair, surrounded by the chaos of a dying ship.

 

“What is it?” he calls out.

 

“ _It’s a boy_.”

 

“A boy!” There’s awe in his tone, like he can’t believe he helped create a baby even though he’s done it once already. “Tell me about him.”

 

“ _Jim?_ Jim!”

 

He opens his eyes.  It’s too blurry to make any sense of.  He can hear rain.  A soft breeze plays with his hair.  He’s on his back, staring up at a grey sky.

 

A face appears, the features obscured by his vision’s failure to see clearly.  “Dad?”

 

Something damp and warm, a hand, brushes his cheek.  “No.  It’s me, Jim.  It’s Bones.”

 

He feels disappointment like a sharp blow, stabbing through his ribs and piercing his heart.  The rain falls heavier.  He closes his eyes.

 

“No, no, no, stay awake.  Stay with me.”

 

He can’t.  He doesn’t want to.

 

But Dad’s not waiting in his dreams either.

 

***

 

As soon as the storm passes and Darwin says it’s safe, Bones requests a beam up.  Jim’s out cold in his arms and they’re both soaked to the skin, but with a little help from M’Benga, he takes Jim to his quarters and makes quick work of drying and changing him.  Through it all, Jim’s unresponsive, in a sleep so deep it seems nothing will awaken him.

 

Bones refuses to remember the last time Jim was in such a state.

 

Drying off and changing into a fresh uniform, Bones resists the urge to climb into the bed alongside Jim and instead takes a seat at the desk, his PADD in his hands, the screen showing a medical journal he’s been meaning to read for weeks.  He promised to update Ccacia, and he intends to keep his word, but there’s nothing to tell him yet. 

 

Bones makes a poor show of reading.  His thoughts drift to other realities, other choices, other places in which every opposite choice he’s ever made plays out.

 

He doesn’t envy any of his alternate selves, not even the one Ambassador Spock knew, and especially not the one who couldn’t save Jim.

 

The tears come suddenly and without warning.  He feels the pain, the loss of Jim, but he pushes it away.  Jim is _here_. 

 

His eyes return to Jim, Jim who de-ages in sleep and looks like the boy he hasn’t been in years, Jim whose alternate self grew up with a loving father and a stable home life, who joined Starfleet when he was supposed to and did everything the right way.

 

Bones isn’t sure he would want to meet that Jim.

 

***

 

The pain in his head drives him to consciousness with a groan.  He’s spinning around and around and he knows he should open his eyes and find a way to hold himself still, but the very thought makes him shudder.  Besides, he’ll vomit if he moves.  He has to stay still, completely still, and ride out the worst of it.

 

Something nips his neck and hisses.  The pain and the dizziness fades.

 

“Jim?”

 

Bones’ soft voice forces him to open his eyes.  The rain’s gone and so has the sky.  It’s a bed beneath him, and his quarters aboard the _Enterprise_ surrounding him.  He sits up, trying to hold onto any sense of reality.  He clings to the bedsheets, like their warmth will be enough to convince him this place is more real than…

 

Than dreams of Dad coming home, Dad being proud, Dad being _there_.

 

“Hey there.”

 

Jim’s stares at Bones, blinking hard to clear cloudy vision.  “Is this real?”

 

“You’re awake now, I promise.”

 

Staring at Bones, he tries to slot back into place, back into the waking world where he belongs.  “It doesn’t feel right.”

 

“It will, I swear it will.” He leans in, his warm lips pressing against Jim’s.  Jim savours the feeling, his tongue flicking out to capture the warmth. 

 

He tastes salt.  “Bones?” 

 

“Don’t worry.” He rests his forehead against Jim’s.  “It’s fine.  You’re here.”

 

Releasing the bedsheets, Jim grabs fistfuls of Bones’ shirt instead.  “Dad… he’s really… he’s dead.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

 

Ignoring the burn in his throat, Jim pulls back.  Bones let him go.  “My eyes,” Jim says.  “They’re still blue, right?”  

 

Bones frowns, but he takes the question in his stride.  “Beautifully blue.”

 

Jim closes them.  “They should’ve been brown.”

 

“In another universe maybe.” The bed dips as Bones climbs in with him, pressing his body against Jim’s.  “But you’re exactly how you should be.  I’m not having you any other way.”

 

“I know.  I don’t want to be different.  I don’t want to be any other version of me.  I earned who I am.  I just… I’ve seen it before, that other universe, but it was all from Ambassador Spock’s perspective.  He told me Dad lived to see me become Captain of the _Enterprise._   I wanted to see that from my own perspective.”

 

“And?”

 

Jim shakes his head.  He can’t put it into words yet.  He’s long past the angst of all the crap dumped in his head via the mind meld with Ambassador Spock.  Jim knew who he was, and if that wasn’t Old Spock’s Jim, so what? Jim wouldn’t live his life in the shadows of any other great men.  Breaking out of his dad’s had been hard enough.  He didn’t need his own alternate existence hounding him as well.  “It’s just weird right now.”

 

Bones wraps his arms around Jim, holding him close.  “Do me a favour.  Next time you ask encounter an alien who can give you visions, say no.”

 

“I would’ve, but I was drunk.”

 

“Ah, yeah… sorry about that.”

 

“And Ccacia’s so nice.”

 

“I know he is, but the next one might not be.”

 

Jim hums thoughtfully.  “Any suggestions as to how I can back out of these things without causing a diplomatic incident or result in Spock giving me all kinds of eyebrow expressions?”

 

“Sneeze? Conveniently remember you left the oven on?”

 

“What oven?” Jim asks with a laugh.

 

“Set up some kind of alert system on your communicator so you can leave gracefully?”

 

“That last one might work.”

 

“Fine.  Do it then.”

 

“Sir, yes sir.”

 

Connected to reality again, Jim relaxes in Bones’ arms because Bones is his anchor and he always knows the right thing to say, even if it is ‘dammit Jim, if you want coddling, you better try your luck somewhere else.’

 

“Dad would’ve been proud of me.”

 

“Damn straight he would’ve been.”

 

“I’m proud of him too.”

 

“I know you are.”

 

Jim yawns.  “I wasn’t before.  But I am now.  I understand now.”

 

“And what about you? Are you proud of you?”

 

Jim’s thoughtful.  “That other me… He was so… normal.  I mean, he was still me, but he did everything the way he was supposed to.  He was calmer too.  I dunno, he was just different.”

  
“And had brown eyes, apparently.”

 

“Yeah. Weird, huh?”

 

“Eh, the radiation from the black hole when you were born could’ve caused any number of defects.”

 

“You calling me a defect, Bones?”

 

Bones grunts.  “I’m calling you something all right.”

 

Jim laughs.  “Thanks.  But, I mean, he still lived his life… in some other universe, he’s living it right now.” 

 

They both pause to digest that fact.

 

“And he’s him and I’m me and so what if he never fucked it up? I did, and I’m still here, right?” 

 

“Jim…”

 

“Sorry.  Sorry, Bones.”

 

Bones presses himself to Jim, ear turned to his back so he can hear Jim’s steady heart from behind. 

 

“The point is if Dad was proud of him, he’d be proud of me too because I made it just like he did.  Hell, I did it quicker.”

 

Jim’s voice rumbles against Bones’ head.  “You needed aliens to tell you that?”

 

“No, but it’s nice to know.”

 

“You can do this, Jim.  Don’t you ever doubt that.”

 

Rolling over, Jim meets his eyes.  “I won’t.  Never again.”

 

They kiss again, harder this time, longer, burning with need.  Jim aches with it.  He presses himself against Bones, holding him, never wanting to let go.

 

“I love you,” Jim says fiercely when they come up for air, like someone’s questioned him about it.  “I do, Bones. More than anyone.”

 

“I know you do.  And just because you’re head’s not big enough already, I’m proud of you too,” Bones says.  “Even if you are a defect.”

 

Jim laughs.  “At least I’ve got you to keep me grounded.”

 

“In this and every other reality that’s not a total lost cause.”

 

“Sounds perfect.” Jim sobers.  “This is where I want to be.  Nowhere else, with no one else.”

 

“Good, because I didn’t bring you back from the dead to have you running off with anyone else.”

 

Restful silence sits between them. Bones feels himself drifting, relief relaxing him.  Jim’s already asleep again, loose-limbed and spreading like an inkstain.  Bones gathers him as best he can and sinks into sleep with a smile.

 

There’s no reality he’d rather be in.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
